Twins: The "Elliott" twins sit on each end of the first row of this Kindergarten photograph.
Note: the crossing of the legs - one crosses with a left on top and the second twin with a right on top......such illustrates the presence of a "mirror image"
(notation: author is visually challenged therefore please escuse spelling errors and grammer mistakes)
In the process of weeding out files, I came across a manuscript from The New Yorker, August 1995: "Double Mystery by Lawrence Wright and several of his comments are very poignant to the life presentation of Melodie and myself - identical twins.
Lawrence Wright wrote: "Considering all that we have learned about human nature from studying twins, it is astonishing to realize how little we know about the twinning process itself. In spite of the burst of twin based scholarship in recent years, much that is commonly believed to be true about twinning is either wrong or in dispute. It is not clear, for instance whether birth defects are caused by twinning or is a kind of a birth defect or, contrarily, (or if, indeed, either has anything to do with the other). We do not know what significance, if any, to attach to the elevated incidence of left-handedness among both kinds of twins. It is not even certain whether fraternal twins always come from two eggs or sometimes from one that has split before fertilization. We are just now learning that twins are different in particular ways from singletons (their teeth are more symmetrical, for example), but we do not know why or what that means. In sum, we do not know who twins are or how twins happen."
Comment: Melodie (twin of Melanie and blogger) is naturally left handed but as this practice was not permitted during early school years she became proficient with the right hand. Melanie is truly right handed.
Melanie had been told by health care providers that this is well described with twins who are of a true mirror image.
Further to this subject of mirror imaging.....Melodie had a defect in one eye - on her left, and I, on the right side. Melodie's was an after effect of a fractured spine and mine - the result of impaired neurological muscle function.
Melodie was absent one nasal sinus.....I, had an extra. She (Melodie) had a duplicate structure from her kidney and I missing one.....the structural anomalies were several in number but none life-threatening.
Moving forward: I, Melanie, was diagnosed as having a genetically passed disease known as Von Willebrand's disease (a disease of the hemophilia family). Melodie showed signs of having the same and declined testing -- saying, that if Melanie has it :Why should I subject myself to the tests?" In other words, if Melanie has it then my (Melodie) having it is taken for granted......and one year later, Melodie encountered an injury and the delay in the clotting of blood proved that indeed she too, experienced this bleeding disease.
Throughout our lives I had wondered why new acquaintances seem to have the need to remark on the similarity before any words of greeting are shared. I recall meeting a friend of Melodie's and her first remark was not something such as "it is nice to meet you" as I was met with "oh, goodness, you even walk alike". Another individual, years later, saw Melodie painting on TV and stated "even your shoulders move the same. It is eerie".
The following is an anecdote that took place Christmas Eve 1986 - a time when I was well and active.
I, Melanie, arrived at Melodie and Geoff's home on the day of Christmas Eve with plans to attend a midnight cuurch service with them. Melodie laid down for a rest early that evening and when it came time to get ready for church she was too tired to carry through with her plan. She continued to rest while Geoff and I attended the servie together.
That evening was the first time I had ever attended a service in that church and looked forward to meeting some of the congregation that Melodie spoke so fondly. Geoff and I took our seat and waited for the choir to begin. I had a sense of pride to be seen with Geoff that evening. As we waited, I supected the preence of intense curious eyes all about me.
As the service did progress the stares did not abate - eventually it occured to me that they were not just looking at what was Melodie's twin but beyond that. Their curiosity was seemingly of mixed feelings and emotion - on one hand there was a sense whereby they were faced with the picture of what Melodie would look like if she were not seated in a wheelchair (a picture they had only imagined in the past) and secondly my preence with Geoff gave them a picture of the couple that they would have likely seen if Melodie's accident had not happened.
After the serive was over, the welcome I received on my way out of the church was one of a warmth I had not encountered in my past - the sincerity of the handshakes and hugs from total strangers gave me a sense that these people wanted to pass on their admiration for Melodie and a thank you for my giving them an opportunity to see what Melodie would look like if she were on her feet.
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The Theories of Luigi Gedda: A scientist Luigio Gedda, the past director of the Gregor Mendel Institute, in Rome, suggests that "mirror twins brains develop differently. For instance, right handers tend to rely on the left hemisphere of their brain for language whereas left-handers are more diffuse in their neurological organization. They disporportinately are likely to be alcoholics, epileptics and dyslexics, and suffer from allergies and auto-immune disorders. Some evidence suggest that they are also more likely to be gifted, expecially in mathematics, presumably because of their more entircked right hemisphere
My comment to this theory supports that of Dr. Luigi Gedda's observations. The above passage is astounding as between Melodie and I, there exists: epilepsy, allergies, auto-immune disorders and are both gifted in varied fields.
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As I continued reading the New York Times article, "Double Mystery" I find a statment that also catches my attention. The column reads "Identical twins tend to have their first dates at about the same time and to date with equal frequency. They marry and begin having children at roughly the same points in their lives. The only real difference between identical twins lies in whom they choose to marry.
Back to Reality: Once again our history so well matches the comments of this columnist. Both Melodie and I chose nto to bhave children despite the ability to child bear. For myself, it was an instinctive decision not to have children - one that did not seem to need any deliberation. For my twin, Melldie's physical limitations was the determining factor for her not to child bear. The reasons why we each did not have children are not of significance as the point is - the decision was the same.
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Lawrence Wright: There is considerable evidence that when one twin dies the survivor can suffer lifelong feelings of guilt, "When someone loses a twin, the intensity of grief tends to be higher than with many other relatives, "says Nancy Segal, a professor of developmental psychology and the director of the Twin Studies Center at California State University, Fullerton. "It is a loss that only another twin can understand." Six years ago, Dr. Elizabeth Bryan, who is the medical director of the Multiple Births Fundation in London, helped set up the Lone Twin Network to provide support for suvivors coping with their grief. She states, "I've met quite a number of people who only discovered their twin was a stillborn --- this is, they only discovered that they were a twin at all -- at some adult occasion such as when they were about to get married, or their first child was on the way, and their mother suddenly said, "your twin died and I never told you." Byran says. "Several of them said that the news came as a profound relief. For the first time, they understood the loss they'd felt all their lives".
Comment: Prior to Melodie's death in 2003, I (Melanie and Blogger) put into words my perspective of death....do keep in mind that this originated in 2003 and prior to Melodie's passing:
"The fear that Melodie would not survive the early post-accident days (in critical condition following a motor vehicle accident in 1970), was overwhelming and in my terror, I married within weeks of her accident in hopes that it would somehow help but a bandaid over the void that would be ahead of me should she not survive critical injuries. Only last winter (2002) have I come to terms that someday one of us will be leaving this earth before the other. My realization came as a result of my experiencing a new fatal episode of my neurological disease.
Being so close to death, I worried that Melodie would long for her twin (myself) - a longing that I assume I would face if the situation were reversed. I felt guilty that my demise would inflict such pain on her - again an imposed feeling.
Since that time, I have realized I may one day be without her and cannot deny it will be a very lonely time - a time when I will have a strong feeling of absence. I will miss her "life force" and will require every bit of inner strength to function."
My insight to the loss of Melodie prematurely did in fact occur and the above reflects a carbon copy of my present state of grief.......a life-time struggle with loneliness, emptyiness and grief. I have read in several journals on the subject of increasing ANXIETY felt by the surviving twin. Consciously and subconsciously it would appear that no longer would the living twin have a sense of someone to share difficult times with and on the other end of the scale -- the living twin is left without the confirmation, recognition etc. coming from her twin. Twins are most often one another's life coach, mentor and protector It is most difficult for the remaining twin to adjust to the fact that these elements of support no longer exist.
Just days before coming across my writings in response to the article in The New Yorker I wrote a note to a twinless twin website. I expressed my lingering grief as well as a wish to leave life as I have nothing more to contribute. I am well aware that my time will come and I pray I will not linger into my 80's (present age is 66 years).
Recently, I overheard the remark that when one is born a premature twin, and has a difficult start in life, that the statistics show the twin will leave life early. I look forward to hearing from that support group and view comments on a forum with respect to this subject. It is interesting for others to know how this will all play out.
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In my search to understand some of the emotions I continue to feel with respect to the loss of Melodie's presence, I came upon some interesting notes coming out of the Lone Twin Organization of the UK. I read that the remaining twin will often become very anxious and does so due to the lack of a foundation/protector/mentor/resource/sharing and respoinding partner who was always there for the living twin. The void creates a conscioius and subconscious emptiness which often manifests in high levels of anxiety.....a statement difficult to absorb and oh so true.....in an overall scan of thsi article, I notice I repeat this escalation of anxiety and by doing so, I am again reminded of its presence.
The above information has been well received on my end as my anxiety levels are very difficult to manage and is forever present is oh so exhausting. Now, with some light on the subject, I find relief in why my anxiety is at times leaving me in a state of non-function. With this information, my medictation sessions are much more calming and when I find myself rigid in thought and body I have an awareness of the cause thus a cure is possible. I so much look forward to less intense behaviour and I am sure others will be more comfortable in my presence.
Moving Forward: Nightingale
