Handling Life's Difficulties with Grace

"Learn to face the ups and downs of life with calm acceptance" - quote by
Toni Bernhard - 2017

DISCUSSION OF THE CONCEPT OF EQUANIMITY

Equanimity is greeting whatever is present in our experience with an everness of temper, so our minds stay balanced and steady in the face of life's ups and downs.

To this statement, Toni Bernhard adds the words; balanced and steady, calm and tranquil, in the face of life's ups and downs.

How does this aspiration play out in every day life?  If we are to "greet whatever is present in our experience" with calmness and tranquility, we will greatly reduce the harshness of unpleasant experiences in difficult times.

Applying this concept is one I consider essential when dealing with a disability(s) - an example I sue because it applies to so much of my personal life.

I wish to share the practice of equiminity I've been using recently and doing so after reading the works of Toni Bernhard.  It's simple, really.....so, join me.  I intentionally start a sentence by saying to myself  "It's okay if...".  Obviously, not everything is going to feel okay (certainly not in the loss of a loved one) and so practice to use only when it is wise to do so --- that is, when you think it might help you accept and feel okay about what is happening in your life.

Starting a sentence with "it's okay if..." helps me stay steady and calm when everyday challenges start to throw me off balance.  For example, on a day when feeling particularly unwell, fatigued and pain levels are high, I say to myself, "It's okay if I feel awful today".  Sometimes that's how chronic illness feels".

You can be as creative with this practice as you are comfortable with: "It's okay if  I can't do
all the things I used to do"; "It's okay if my friend doesn't understand what it is like to live with unmovable barriers such as chronic pain.  Some people have to suffer from something themselves before they can empathize with what it is like".

There is no reason to limit yourself to health-related issues:  "It's okay if my new job didn't turn out to be all I had hoped for, Nothing is perfect";  "It's okay if my kids have problems.  Everyone does."

The more I use this practice, the braver I become with my "it's okay if..." formulations.  I began trying this out by applying:  "It's okay if I am disabled and will be for the rest of my life."  Whoa!  the rest of my life?  Can that ever be okay?  It turns out, for me, I can.

It's true that sometimes when I say this phrase, resistance arises and I get thrown off-balance and feel scared.  However, if I am honest with myself, I will be disabled for the rest of my life.  This being the case, I know from experience that I will feel better emotionally and happier the more I can accept that possibility with grace.  That's equanimity in action.  When feeling equanimous, a sense of well-being arises and I am then at peace.

I hope you are inspired to turn to this practice as well and wish you peace, calm and balanced.

Nightingale